1. Smirnoff Ice, WKD and Archers. Tiny bottles of sugary alcohol that made you talk to boys, throw up and get told off by your parents. Goody.
2. Spending an entire week waiting for the next episode of The O.C. Fancying Seth Cohen, wanting to be Summer Roberts, and feeling awkwardly not sad when Marisa died. Oh.
3. Stripy highlights. Big blonde chunky strips through your over-straightened hair that made you look like the fourth member of Atomic Kitten, the somewhat cooler version of Kerry Katona.
4. Denim everything. Denim jackets, the perfect denim mini skirt, denim pedal pushers, denim handbags. Firmly believing Bewitched were on to something.
5. Teaming said denim mini skirt with (faux) UGG boots, dolly shoes or bright pink Converse and feeling like you’d finally nailed looking cool on non-school uniform day. Well done you, high five. All the boys will fancy you now.
6. Finishing off said ensemble with a super slicked back ponytail that took at least ten minutes to perfect, as well as half a can of hairspray, three scoops of mousse, a comb and two brushes. Then, teasing two strands of hair out. Chav chic nailed to an absolute tee.
7. Begging your mum for a belly button piercing and then wearing crop tops that displayed your emerging alcopop gut forevermore. In a dreamy world you’d have the dangliest, sparkliest belly bar out of everyone in school.
8. Inflatable chairs. Inflatable chairs that you sat on once.
9. Spending months pining over JD’s new McKenzie and Nickelson pieces. Must. Have. New. Baby. Blue. Hoodie.
10. Pay As You Go mobiles. One good solid all-evening text convo with a boy totally rinsed your credit and you’d not be able to contact anyone for a week (apart from on the landline, obvs).
11. Texting said boy on your Nokia 3310. The same Nokia 3310 that had a week long battery life. Dreamy.
12. Going to McDonalds after school just to hang, and devouring a Chicken Premiere. The queen of all the Extra Value Meals, RIP.
13. MSN Messenger. All evening, every evening.
14. Spending days picking the perfect dramatic-yet subtle-song lyrics for your MSN name.
15. Spending a similar amount of time determining your top 12 MySpace friends, sorting out the HTML to your profile background and choosing a profile page song. I mean, yeah, you definitely spent the same amount of time on your homework, so there’s that.
16. Putting a boy’s name in hearts in your MSN name. That, ladies, was when you knew you were definitely in there. Nice work.
17. Having to end an MSN conversation because your mum needed to make a call on the landline. BUT NOW HOW WILL I FLIRT WITH MY SCHOOL CRUSH?!? Evening ruined. Huff.
18. School books. Could be carried in a drawstring JD bag. Could also be carrier in a teeny tiny bag that only had room for cigarettes, a chewed pen, gum and one rolled up book.
19. Buffalo trainers with FLAMES on the side. Enough said.
20. Collecting smelly gel pens. Although not being able to write in the banana or coconut scented ones because they was basically white. Good one, pen company people. Good one.
21. Wasting (totally not wasting) entire weeks of your life to The Sims. Making the perfect family, setting your house on fire, having your children taken away by social services and wanting Mortimer Goff to fuck the hell off.
22. Relying on Destiny’s Child, Ashanti, JoJo and The Sugababes for life advice. And though my heart can’t take no more, I keep on running back to you.
23. Reading Jacqueline Wilson’s Girls In Love, Girls Under Pressure and Girls Out Late. Then being thoroughly confused and upset by the TV version. WHAT ARE YOU?! Why is Ellie not fat? Why Is Magda black?
24. Being groomed on Habbo Hotel. Oh.
25. *SPOILER ALERT* That moment when Zoe Slater found out Kat Slater was her mum.
26. Knowing one friend that got so paralytic they had to get their stomach pumped. And being thoroughly glad it wasn’t you and you weren’t grounded.
27. Plucking your eyebrows so that they were one thin line, made up of approximately 7 hairs. Exquisite.
28. Your fave jeans were a pair you’d customised yourself with fabric triangles to change your straight-cut jeans into a very snazzy pair of flares. These were soon replaced by a pair of bootcuts with sexy written in diamanté across your bum. Yep.
29. Bored on a Friday night? Nothing better than pranking people’s home phones. Teehee.
30. Your perfume cost approximately £5.95. Because So… KissMe was all you needed. Thanks for that, Superdrug, you life changer.
31, Exercise consisted of your brother’s Playstation teamed with your dance mat. It’s mind-boggling that you’re not a back-up dancer for One Direction right now. Seriously, do they not know that you can dance forward, backwards, left and right?!?
32. It’s summer. What do you wear? A halter neck top complete with a New Look push up bra of course, duh. Sexy and stylish.
33. Buying all your ‘grown up’ clothes from Jane Norman. Skin-tight dresses, big plastic buckles on your tops and flared jeans. Then using the shopping bag as a very stylish overnight bag. Go you.
34. Obvs teaming the above with your heels from Faith and Dolcis.
35. That time Bombhead’s mum died in Hollyoaks he kept her body in the house for weeks. Errrrr….
36. Wearing your French knickers and thongs higher than your jeans and school trousers. Because that’s how to make boys fancy you don’t you know.
37. Feminism was Frankee’s F.U.R.B. Fuck all the cryin’ it didn’t mean jack, well guess what yo, fuck you right back.
38. Wearing your GAP jumper with pretty much every outfit for about 7 months, and being ridiculously jealous of the girl you saw around school wearing the pink version.
39. Truly believing that hoop earrings made every outfit just that little bit better.
40. Reading consisted of the best, glossiest mags ever: Elle Girl, Mizz, Sugar and Shout. They helped you through every period/customising clothes drama. Babes.
41. That moment when you realised there was a Sabrina The Teenage Witch marathon on a Saturday. Best. Day. Ever.
42. Downloading 146329 songs from LimeWire and Napster and essentially being the sole reason why HMV and Woolworths both shut down.
2000-2009, thanks for being such a jolly good sport.